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by AuthorUnknown



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Knights of the Fallen Empire Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-11 10:38:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7888021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuthorUnknown/pseuds/AuthorUnknown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been an awfully long time since the Outlander--and how she hates that title--has seen the stars of her home.  For now she'll have to make do with Odessen in winter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Home

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know what to say about this one. Suffice it to say that my character is distinctly unhappy with several aspects of the KotFE storyline, and this began as a way to let her vent her frustration. And then it got fluffy all of a sudden. I don't know how that happened.
> 
> I did my best to research Chiss funerary customs and turned up nothing, so I made something up. That actually happened several times in writing this; hopefully I didn't accidentally contradict myself or the canon.
> 
> At any rate, I hope you enjoy and leave a comment to tell me why.

            Lana Beniko stirred from sleep, shivering slightly from the cold flowing in through the window that occupied the whole south wall of the room.  Patting the bed next to her and finding it empty, she opened her eyes and glanced around the room.  It was still night out, and the room was dark, but she could just make out the silhouette of her lover standing in the open window.  Xi’riasi stood unclothed, looking out at the stars; her hands were clasped behind her back, her long, dark hair still slightly mussed from sleep, not drawn up in its customary ponytail.

            Lana shivered again and drew the bedclothes about herself before padding her way to stand in the window with the former intelligence agent.  The Alliance base had been constructed in a temperate region of Odessen, but winter had at last come to their hemisphere in the weeks following Koth’s and Senya’s betrayals, and Lana could see the starlight reflecting off the snowy patches that had begun to appear in shaded spots near the base.  ‘It’s awfully cold in that bed without you, you know.’

            Xi’riasi started slightly before turning to face her.  ‘Funny.  I was just thinking it was still a bit too warm.’  She gave an apologetic smile and continued, ‘Sorry, love.  I just woke up so warm, I had to cool off somehow.  I’ll get my refrigeration suit and we can close the window’.  She involuntarily grimaced at the thought of donning the skintight undersuit she had to wear most of the time lest she sweat herself to death.  It was, of course, infinitely more comfortable than trying to endure the temperature range the rest of the Alliance found acceptable—let alone worlds like Darvannis or Tatooine—but she still preferred to do without it when possible.

            Sensing her displeasure—for though the commander’s implants prevented Lana from being able to sense her emotional state directly, the two knew each other well enough that it was usually easy enough to read one another’s posture and expressions, even in the dark—Lana smiled and shook her head.  Instead she drew the other woman over to her to siphon off some of her seemingly feverish warmth.  ‘Nonsense.  The bed is plenty warm as long as you’re in it.  And I’m sure you’re more comfortable this way.’  Neither of them seemed particularly inclined to return to their bed immediately, and so the pair stood holding one another in silence for some minutes, watching the stars.

            It was moments like this that Lana found herself actually regretting her inability to examine her lover’s thoughts more directly.  She always became upset with herself immediately afterward for being tempted by the idea of invading the former intelligence operative’s privacy in that way, but having become so dependent on her ability to read people in that fashion left her somewhat handicapped interacting with people like Theron or the commander.  Her time as Intelligence Minister had made it easier, but she still felt infinitely more at ease when she could predict how her audience would react.  Finally, she decided to use a more direct approach.  ‘Credit for your thoughts?’

            Xi’riasi took so long to reply that Lana was just about to repeat her question when it was finally answered.  ‘Home.’  Checking the chronometer beside their bed and performing a few rapid calculations in her head, she pointed out at a star just peeking over the edge of the mountain range to the south.  ‘Assuming I’ve not calculated something incorrectly, that’s it.’  She paused and brought her finger down before completing her thought.  ‘Counting the time I spent mounted on the wall of Arcann’s museum, it’s been more than nine years since I left Csilla.  I begin to wonder if I’ll ever return alive.’

            Lana frowned.  ‘If you survived your confrontation with Vitiate on Ziost—to say nothing of the Dread Masters, Malgus the Betrayer, Darth Jadus, and Revan—it seems highly unlikely that you won’t survive Vaylin.’

            Xi’riasi raised an eyebrow and replied dryly, ‘As long as she doesn’t realise we no longer have the Gravestone and bring the entire Eternal Fleet down on our heads, anyway’.  She gave a wry smile and led her dark advisor back to the bed.

            As they lay there, Lana within the bedclothes and Xi’riasi without, the Sith lord asked, ‘What in particular prompted you to think of Csilla’?

            ‘This afternoon I was going through some old log files on my ship’s computer.  I ran across a message to my protégé, Ensign Temple.  Ordinarily I would not have read it—it was too old to be of use in locating her, having evidently been sent almost immediately after my incarceration—but I recognised the sender’s name.  My former sister, Axi’oratt’nuruodo.’

            At this point, Lana interrupted.  ‘“Former” sister?’

            ‘I am considered a trial-born of House Sabosen at the moment; I was born into House Nuruodo, and when I have retired from the Security Service, I will be Nuruodo again.  But for the moment, my biological sister and I are not culturally or politically considered siblings.’  Seeing the confusion in her lover’s yellow eyes, she continued, ‘Don’t worry about it.  Though we would never admit it in front of outsiders, even we find our own politics confusing at times.

            ‘Ensign Temple had apparently taken it upon herself to contact the Ascendancy when I went missing and inform them of my apparent demise.  I gather that her knowledge of Chiss society prompted her to notify both House Sabosen and House Nuruodo, though how she knew that I was born into the latter I know not.  Xi’oratt’s reply was short and to the point, thanking the ensign for the information, and relaying that an empty casket had been buried with honours in the Axi vault.  Ever since reading it this afternoon I’ve been trying to figure out how to reply to it.’

            She paused for a long moment before continuing.  ‘I suppose it would be easier if I were informing Xi’oratt that I’m alive and free and coming home at last, but instead I have to explain that I’m alive and free but cannot return home yet because I’m too busy running a terrorist organisation.  If anything it will be still more difficult to explain to my Sabosen colleagues; I was only ever supposed to be on temporary loan to Imperial Intelligence, except that the Eagle attacked in the middle of my debriefing, and after that I was indispensable.’

            At this point Lana interrupted again.  With a slightly playful tone in her voice, she asked, ‘“Terrorist organisation?”  I am almost insulted, my dear commander’. 

            Xi’riasi raised an eyebrow.  ‘Clearly you haven’t been down to Hylo Visz’ wing of the base recently.  Or Admiral Aygo’s, for that matter.  Take that talz I picked up on Alderaan a few weeks ago, for instance; he is, to be blunt, nothing more than a singularly brutal, albeit effective, murderer.  And he’s not the only one.  Kaliyo, Gault, any number of others—pirates, murderers, arsonists, and some even worse criminals.  And that whiphid who helped us take out the Belsavis star fortress keeps bringing in more.  I don’t question the necessity of the practise; I once murdered fifty million Imperial citizens to save the lives of fifty billion more, I know all about necessary evils.  But I—but _we_ must never forget or allow ourselves to ignore what it is we are doing.  And when all this is over, when Zakuul is glass and the Empire and Ascendancy are safe, we’re going to have to dispose of them somehow.’

            Lana needed no time to reflect and responded without hesitation, ‘Order our Republic allies to fight it out with them and then pick off any of either side who remain.  Simple enough, at least in theory, but we’ve a long way to go before we need even think about putting it into practise’.

            The Chiss woman made a slight expression of distaste but nodded.  ‘Presumably deceiving our Republic friends into thinking that our troops will also be putting the terrorists to the sword and backing out at the last moment.  Obvious, really.  What else would we do?  Still, I hate to do it to Theron.  I would’ve expected more from an SIS operative, but I’m afraid he may actually believe these stupid speeches I keep making about unity and loyalty and putting aside past differences.’  She paused for a moment, but when Lana opened her mouth to say something, she continued, ‘And before you ask, I sweep our room for listening devices at least twice a day.  I find one about once a week.  He’s a persistent bastard.’

            Lana laughed lightly and said, ‘Good to see you’re both keeping your tradecraft sharp’.

            Her lover laughed with her for a moment and then grew silent.  ‘I guess that leads me to the other thing that keeps bothering me.  What on earth possessed you to make me Alliance Commander?  I understand that I make a good mascot; I’m living proof that Zakuul is not invincible, but I despise this notoriety.  I’m not a leader; I never have been.  I’m a subversion specialist; my skills include infiltration, assassination, seduction, blackmail, sabotage, slicing—even, randomly enough, surgery.  Not leadership.  I desperately wish I could regain my old anonymity, but even the Black Codex can’t wipe my face from the memories of the billions who fear me as the Outlander who assassinated their Immortal Emperor.’

            The Sith inhaled deeply and ran her fingers through Xi’riasi’s hair before responding.  ‘Well, I think you’ve done admirably in any case.  For the most part, a subversion specialist is exactly what the Alliance has needed.  Still, I understand your discomfort.  When Darth Marr appointed me to head Sith Intelligence, I was terribly frightened of the task and angry with the Dark Lord for giving it to me, of all people, when so many more qualified people seemed close at hand—yourself most of all.’

            She fell silent, and Xi’riasi took a moment before replying, ‘Based on my extremely limited understanding of Sith philosophy, fear and anger are tools that can be controlled and harnessed to grant strength’.  Lana nodded, and Xi’riasi continued, ‘Then I must assume it worked, since you were an exceptionally capable minister, especially considering your inexperience’.

            Lana grimaced.  ‘Am I the only one who remembers Ziost?  That traitorous slime, Kovach?’

            ‘Of course I remember.  I also remember that his name was on a list of potential recruits I gave you, at the behest of the former Intelligence Minister.  He warned me that it contained many former dissidents and terrorists, but he judged it worth the risk.  So did I, and so did you, and as it turns out we were all three of us wrong when it came to Kovach.  It’s as much my fault as yours.  Further, if he hadn’t tried to betray us, I suspect things would have been a great deal worse.  As it was, we lost one of our most important industrial worlds and population centres; if Kovach hadn’t convinced Saresh to commence a full-scale invasion, we would have been the only ones to lose anything to Vitiate’s hunger.  Since he did, the Republic lost almost as much as we did, and the balance of power was more or less maintained.’ 

            She paused a moment before continuing, ‘And before you object that it left the galaxy vulnerable to Zakuul, even if the Republic fleet had been intact, they would have fared no better against the Eternal Fleet.  You said yourself, only the ships from Lord Marr’s fleet that had been upgraded with isotope-5 could compete with it at all, and even they couldn’t overcome the Zakuulan numerical advantage.  So don’t blame yourself for Ziost.  No one could have prevented it from turning out as badly as it did, and without our involvement it might have been much worse’.  Another pause before adding the qualification, ‘Well, don’t blame yourself for Ziost unless that guilt is part of what you’re harnessing for power at the moment’.

            Lana gave an amused smile and replied, ‘Guilt isn’t usually as useful as fear or anger or love or grief, so no.  It’s the one emotion we can’t use’.

            Xi’riasi shrugged.  ‘I wouldn’t know.  Since meeting with Jadus for the first time, I’ve done my best to avoid anything to do with force-sensitives.’  Sensing Lana’s expression, she added, ‘Present company excepted, of course.  You were only the second sane force-user I ever met, and you’re still one of the only two I really respect and admire’.

            ‘I’m not sure whether to be flattered or insulted by that comment.  Who is the other?’

            ‘Lord Marr, of course: “Death before surrender, but today is not our day to die”.’  She paused before responding to the other half of Lana’s comment.  ‘And whether you take it as such or not, it was meant as a sincere compliment; I really do respect and admire you, and not only in spite of your supernatural skills, but partially because of them.  I am honoured to have you by my side as my advisor, my ally, my lover, and my closest friend.’  She pressed a kiss to Lana’s forehead, nose, and lips before settling her own forehead against Lana’s.

            They remained like that for some minutes, red eyes staring into yellow, before Xi’riasi burst out laughing.  Lana gave her a moment to calm down before swatting her playfully and asking, ‘What’s so funny?  I thought we were having a tender moment there—for once _not_ right before a life-or-death mission to save the galaxy—and now I learn you were just having a laugh at me’!

            Xi’riasi shook her head, but took a few more moments to stop laughing.  ‘I’m sorry.  It wasn’t really even that funny, more random than anything else, and with things having been so tense around here lately, it just sort of all came out at once.’  Lana gave her a look that clearly indicated she wasn’t fooled by the former spy’s transparent attempt to change the subject.  ‘It just occurred to me to wonder whether it would be more or less awkward if I wrote to Xi’oratt that I was alive, free, and planning to visit home so that we could have a Chiss wedding.’

            There was a moment of silence before both Lana and Xi’riasi burst out laughing.  Once they had both let out some of the tension and gotten hold of themselves once more, Lana inquired teasingly, ‘Is that a proposal, love’?

            Xi’riasi’s blue skin flushed purple, and she considered for a moment before replying.  ‘Not as such, no.  I like to think I’m braver than to raise the question so obliquely.  Though, if it isn’t, that leaves us with the distinct problem that now I have to wait at least another few months to give you a real one, since now you’re expecting it.’

            Lana, without needing to pause and think, smiled and replied, ‘Or, since you’ve said that, you could go ahead and do it next week; I wouldn’t expect it then, since you’ve told me you’re going to wait’.  Xi’riasi gave an amused but sceptical smile of her own, wary of getting into such logic loops.  ‘Alternatively’, Lana continued, growing more serious.  ‘Axi’riasi’samosen, will you marry me?’

            Xi’riasi mumbled to herself, ‘Well, I suppose that does solve that problem for us’.  She then kissed her lover before replying earnestly, ‘Yes.  On one condition’.  Lana raised an eyebrow, but Xi’riasi just grinned at her.  ‘Never use my full name again; your Cheunh pronunciation is atrocious.’

**Author's Note:**

> Don't own, don't want to own, not making any money. Please don't sue me.


End file.
